someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
