can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
