I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
