Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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