Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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