JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
