That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
