i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
