I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
