If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
