Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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