i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
