I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
