My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
