you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
