I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
