Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
