I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's like heaven, but drunker
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
