i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
