i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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