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Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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