i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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