I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
