You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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