The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
tell me about the fingering
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