It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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