My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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