how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
