It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize