Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
