Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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