no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
