I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
