So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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