The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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