seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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