legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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