Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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