i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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