I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
