i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
