I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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