Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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