You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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