The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
