Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
