oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize