i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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