hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
