Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
