six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
