it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize