So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
