My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
