i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
