1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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