the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
