You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
