Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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