Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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