I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
