It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
