I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize