please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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