if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
