Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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