He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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