Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
